Gym Girl Dana

Why is it so important that we start on a certain day? Why do we choose to let the calendar dictate when we get started? Why not get started when the motivation strikes? You’re just allowing more time for excuses and justified behavior.

How you do anything in life is how you do anything. I’ve not made this up, but I’ve lived by it and taught this lesson to many. Some of my closest friends are amazed at how true this is, and they feel amazingly accomplished when they take on this approach. Yet, more often than not they will fall back into their old habits. Why?

The dreaded comfort zone.

In most cases, how you keep your car is a reflection of how you keep your home and how you keep your office. Is it dirty? Clean? Cluttered? Organized? Do you have a bunch of things you don’t need that have collected there or do you empty it every night? Now, some will argue and say, “I commute every day so I need this or that” or “I spend so much time in my car so why clean it out every day?” Well, the same reason you shower each day. You set your intention. You set your direction. You set your mindset. Same reason you make your bed each day even though you get into it each night.

Wait.

Maybe I’m being assumptive. Do you make your bed each day?

No judgement. I know plenty of people that do not. To them it seems like a waste of time, since it’s just unmade daily. Again, like showering, and let’s hope they don’t skip that step because it seems to repetitive. Eventually, that will catch up to you.

Upon waking and then making your bed, you’ve already begun the day with something accomplished! Way to go! Believe it or not, studies have been done about this topic and it’s proven that making your bed can have a direct link on how you face your days. You have already started with a task and an accomplishment and a positive outlook on the day ahead. Personally, I’ve seen the direct link between an unmade bed and a chaotic lifestyle.

How you do anything is how you do everything. Again, it’s true. Truth be told, I make a hotel bed before leaving the room. I’ve tried to leave it undone, but I can’t bring myself to leave the room when it looks chaotic. Anyone that has roomed with me….sorry. But, well, you know…

So, let’s go back to the car. Does your car reflect how your cubical or office or work desk look? And how does that fare in your work day? Does your day run fairly fluidly or are you often scrambling to look for something because you know it’s around somewhere? Do you get your tasks done in a timely manner or do you find that you lose several minutes at a clip due to unnecessary searching? If you take the time to set yourself up and take the time to keep your new system in place, it will save you time later. But, like anything else in life, it’s a choice. And one you will make over and over again.

So why put it off? Why delay? Why continue to talk about what you want to do or going to do or planning to do? Do it. Today.

Not later, either.

Now.

& let me know how your day goes for you.

When I lose this weight. When I get that promotion. When I’m out of debt. When I get these shoes I’ve wanted. When this happens or that happens….then I’ll be happy. Sure.

Happiness is fleeting. Happiness is fickle.

I’m sure we are similar that we’ve put stock in something that would then provide us with happiness. And maybe it did. Until it didn’t. And then we move on to the next tangible thing and convince ourselves that it’s now the source of joy.

I still do it today. I’ll be happy when I get these 20lbs off. Maybe I’ll be happy to hit my goal but guess what? I’ll find something else to focus on, something else that is ‘wrong’ with me, something else that will prevent me from enjoying what I thought would make me happy.

Happiness comes from within. You’ve heard it prior to reading it here, but it’s true.

At my leanest and most fit, I’d still been chasing happiness. I’d been a successful athlete, however, I’d wanted to be faster. In the gym, I wanted to be stronger. Out socially, I’d wanted to be younger. It’s always something. And what I’ve learned is, there will always be someone faster, smarter, stronger, younger…you get the idea. So why am I chasing something seemingly unobtainable?

I’ve found happiness. I chose it. I find it in my choices that will get me to my goals. I find it in my work successes. I find it in my teammates. I find it in my relationships. I find it through green lights on my commute and the convenience of ez pass. I find happiness in the greetings of my puppies and the vibe in my home. I find happiness is having the ability to work out, walk freely, modern conveniences, stocked pantries, deep laughter and trusted friendships. I chose happiness every day and focus on what I have rather than what I want. Let’s face it, I’ll most likely continue to want more…it’s how I’m wired.

I’m human. Things go wrong. Hell, I’ve spent several entries sharing my disappointments and short comings. But it’s how I move forward from there that makes the difference.

You’re on your way to work and there’s traffic. Are you pissed off and frustrated and filled with road rage? Why? Maybe try accepting that you’re exactly where you need to be at that particular moment. That the world isn’t plotting against you and getting on your nerves, maybe it’s actually saving you and keeping you out of harms way.

You’re at work and a customer/co worker/boss is blowing a gasket and the shrapnel is landing in your direction. You’re catching the brunt of the issues. Is it your fault? No. Even if you do play a part in the stemming of the frustration, their reaction is entirely their own and truly has nothing to do with you. Even as they are carrying on, their actions are a reflection of them, not of you. It’s how you react to that situation now that you have to own…do you let it affect your entire day or are you able to absorb a few bad minutes and let them go? Four minutes should not be able to dismantle your entire day. C’mon.

You ate the ___________ (insert tempting food here). “Great! Now I’ve blown my whole day! Mine as well just eat this, that and the other thing because I’ve failed again and will just start tomorrow again!” You ate it, now negate it. Make better choices. One cheat doesn’t dismantle an entire day! Pull your shit together and move forward. You ate it and it was awesome and it’s what you wanted and what you chose to do in that moment. So acknowledge it and move forward. It’s no one else’s fault for supplying them. It’s no one else’s influence that made you eat it. It was a choice that was entirely in your control. Now accept it and move on from it in a new positive direction.

The scenarios can go on and on, but I’m feeling confident that you get the idea. I’m also fairly certain that if you think of your last few days you can own some of your own behaviors. Stop blaming others for your choices. Stop looking for happiness within other people and other things. Recognize it for what it is. An intangible emotion that you can experience at any moment during any day. Even when things seem bleak, I’ll revisit this lesson:

If everyone threw their problems into a pile, you’d scramble to grab yours back. The devil you know is often better than the devil you don’t. I’m sure of it.

So much of life is mental. You’re faced with thousands of decisions and choices every day. Beginning with if you’re even choosing to get up and out of bed right away or going to lay there for a few minutes to scroll, what to wear, what to eat, what’s on your agenda, getting a workout in, getting your projects done…the list goes on and on. Run the yellow light or stop for it? Take the same way to work or follow waze suggestions? Radio or podcast? Do the same thing or decide to make today different?

Throw a pandemic into the mix, filled with state anarchy, unanswered questions, a defunct unemployment system, empty grocery shelves, home schooling and all of a sudden, the decision making is even greater in volume. The ‘what ifs’, those quarantining alone, others feeling stuck with a houseful and no escape, zoom calls replacing face to face and the realization that you don’t even have to wear pants daily. The stresses, although different for each person, mounted and created chaos. I was listening to so much mental anguish and all of it valid.

How do you assure people that it will be ok when you are so uncertain yourself? I found myself convincing others that things would get better and that all of this was temporary; and I truly believed that. After all, isn’t all of life temporary? It just comes down to how long these phases sustain. But no matter what I believed, or what I’d said, or how encouraging I was, I needed them to believe in themselves. I needed them to see what I saw. Life is a series of reflections, and how you see yourself is often vastly different than how others see you.

We are often our own worst enemies.

Take a hard look at yourself and ask, “Am I a fountain or a drain?” Do you uplift and inspire others with a positive outlook and approach your days with enthusiasm or are you more of an uninspired complainer falling victim to your surroundings? After all, life doesn’t happen to you. Life happens, and your reaction is what creates your outcome.

So, which one are you?

Sure I was trying. But effort equals results. At the end of each day could I really go to bed with the satisfaction that I’d done all that I could? That’d I’d really given my best efforts towards the results I’d yearned for? Nope.

I’m sure I owe some of my clients an apology. I was a bit naive when it came to menopause and age. I’d read about it but since I’d not experienced it, I really was limited on my knowledge. Much like a man talking about PMS. (Love how my male doctors let me know that PMS is controllable or how depression can be helped with calcium. Get the f*ck out of here!) So to my clients that told me they couldn’t; I still don’t buy it. But to those that told me that they aren’t getting the results with 100% effort, I’m sorry I was too short sighted to help you & I hope that you continued on with someone else with more knowledge and found success.

CANT = Certainly Am Not Trying. That’s what I hear when someone says they ‘can’t’.

For someone that really never suffered from PMS until the last five or so years, I feel very fortunate. When women would complain about cramps and bloating and pain, I’d be sympathetic as I knew they were actually feeling these things; I’d just never experienced it. Now, however, WOW! I lose a day or two each month and the suffering is immense. For myself, I’m convinced it’s partly due to lifestyle, mindset and definitely diet.

Noteworthy fact and one we will revisit: food is fuel.

I applaud those who choose to grow old gracefully. I envy you. Myself? I’m going to fight it tooth and nail and now in my last year in my 40’s, I’m determined to face 50 with the health and wellness I’d been chasing. I’m working hard to find my confidence. I’m not looking to go back to what I was…I’ve been there. And it was great! But it’s been done. I’m looking to be a better version of myself today and every day hereafter.

And I’d like to take you with me.

Even if you’re younger and reading this and it’s not resonating and you’re thinking, I’m so not there and thanks but no thanks….understood. But, Dear Sister, you will be here. Trust me when I tell you. Because I was you not that long ago. True story.

I’d wanted to take this time to find myself and my motivation and my fitness. I’d definitely taken some positive steps and changed my mindset. I’d motivated friends whom are now running again, and although I’d started the Couch to 5k with them, I’d fallen off that, too. I’d kept celebrating with them however, cheering their successes and I’d meant it. Truth was, so many of my friends (whom are also my coworkers) were struggling mentally. I’d do whatever I could to help.

I was also struggling.

As a leader, I’d not shown it. I’d continued to stay engaged with our network, keeping communication open, meeting up for walks and talks, exercise days or socially distanced cocktail hours outside. I worked on being present and a good listener. I wanted to ease their fears and soothe their stresses. These people became like a sisterhood of mine; many of them have been with me for years and I didn’t want to lose any of them to the uncertainty. I wanted them to stick with me and wanted to fix whatever was broken in their homes, in their heads, with our work (or lack of it). I felt a sense of responsibility. I still do. It’s something I don’t take lightly at all.

If everyone threw their problems into a pile, I’d guarantee that you’d scramble to grab your own problems back. I know I would.

Although we didn’t have the work load we were used to having, we had work to do. I can’t do it without them. Things would be different for sure, but I was determined to make it work. All of these months later, this is still the case.

And so is my weight struggle.

So now I’d focused on how much stress I was under and blamed cortisol. I’d seen a doctor and had some blood work done. I was healthy. How can that be?! I’d been trying to lose weight and eating well and exercising and nothing was wrong with me?! WTH?!! More of my excuses tossed aside.

Someone was definitely lying to me.

I’d finally figured that it was me.

Prior to this, OTF Allentown was getting ready to celebrate its first birthday! We had successfully opened our Allentown, PA studio and this one was the furthest from me geographically and also had the most growing pains. We struggled finding the right staff and once again were the first to market in the area. One year later, however, we had so much to celebrate. The success of Allentown was so promising, that we’d began the development of our Easton, PA studio. A few more miles apart than our NJ sisters, but if you are familiar with PA, then you know the highways and traffic. Route 22 can take a five mile drive and make it 45 minutes. No joke. Our Easton studio was in pre sales.

Three in NJ, two in PA, a son in PSU, a cumulative staff of over 80 and my responsibility list growing with every studio. I loved it!

I’d purchased a Peloton in 2018, when the rage wasn’t yet what it is now. I was hoping that my Peloton looking at me daily would remind me that I do in fact have time, I’m continuing to choose to scroll through social media or sit on the couch instead. I think I rode it nine times in my first year. It was hard and it was intimidating as the trainers are yelling out where the resistance should be or the output should be and I’m no where near those numbers. I felt defeated as opposed to motivated and I’d again allowed my head to stop my progress. The studios in NJ were so crowded that it was difficult to get into classes (an amazing problem to have!) and I’d started and stopped at big box gyms trying to execute myself what I’d trained others to do. I was so uncomfortable and self conscious that I’d retreated back into hiding.

Now our businesses are being forced to close and the world seemingly has fallen from its axis.

I’d started the pandemic by signing up for a college course, reading a new book, promising myself fitness, going on some serious walks with my friends and even getting some runs in. So motivated and so exhilarated. Yep, still cried as I’d felt my ass shake and was so slow that I’d cursed myself repeatedly. I’d mentally punch myself in the face over and over and said the worst things to myself about failure and embarrassment. I’d NEVER speak to anyone that way, yet to myself, it seemed acceptable.

Two weeks extended to four. One month into two. Three. Four. Five. Six.

My financial security was stripped. My prior success erased. My future was evaporating in front of my eyes. As the pandemic stretched on, I went from motivated to petrified. I’d had to learn things about the business I’d never planned on. I watched nice people turn nasty out of frustration. I’d seen politeness turn to greediness and the world was faced with so many other ugly things besides a pandemic. Times like these had been unprecedented and I was scared out of my mind.

I’m pretty much in the same state of mind today, truthfully.

Two studios newly opened within a year of each other, one studio established and now talking about expanding our territory into PA. This is exciting stuff!

During such a professionally successful time, I’m quietly ending a long term relationship, selling a home I’d worked so hard to purchase and relocating to live on my own for the first time in a very long time. I’m already overweight from where I’d been, already unfit from what I’d been doing, and now my life is in a serious upheaval. Everyone handles stress differently; I eat.

My son is a successful full time student in PSU. With the help of my family and support of my owners/partners, I’d packed and moved and unpacked in just a few days. I’d sent photos of the move to my son, Shane, and hoped he would be more excited than disappointed in what was happening. He was. He’d gone apartment hunting with me while on a break from school and was excited for this next chapter. (If you’re a parent, you know that the nagging guilt about nearly every decision you make can be suffocating. Sometimes these kids learn from us and say one thing but feel another…I was hoping this wasn’t the case.) I felt badly that he’d left one home and had to come back to another; but that’s the beauty of our relationship. A home is where you are. The house is just a structure. We were (and still are) so happy in our place.

I’d began drinking. Often.

The girls nights at my place were (and still are) amazingly filled with tear filled laughter, deep hearted conversation and big picture planning. I’ve had a lot of very raw conversations at my table and a lot of absolute hilarity on my couches. Not all of them included drinking, but many. And rarely is it ‘just one’.

I’m compulsive. I do everything to an extreme. So when I’d decided on several occasions to not drink, these dry spells went on for years at a time. None of them I’ve regretted. No hang overs, saved money, slept better, owned every decision and so on. Why drink then after so many successful years of sobriety? Good question. One I don’t have the answer to just yet.

My neighbors and I had people over every Saturday night from Memorial Day to Labor day. Food, drinks, friends and fire pits. It’s been some of the best Summer nights I’ve had a in long time. There’s a price that comes with that however, and one I’d paid by hiding in my clothes. I’ve spend two summers now avoiding the beach and declining invites to pool parties. I’ve not worn a bathing suit and my tan lines are based around my 3/4 length lulu pants and my tank tops. Did you see that? TWO summers! WTF?! The first summer wasn’t enough to motivate me so I would waste another summer by repeating the behavior. This shows how dark things were inside of my own head.

I’d tell my clients, “if you want to eat something so badly, get naked in front of a mirror. If you are happy with your reflection, then eat it. Enjoy.” Most people the mirror is their enemy when you are trying to lose weight. I’m the same. I’d get in front of that mirror, give myself the finger and just eat. I didn’t care anymore.

But, I totally did care.

It was a vicious cycle.

I was alone. I was feeling like a failure on so many levels. I was scared. I was frustrated and I was a ferocious force of positivity for so many while I couldn’t convince myself I was worthy.

Can you imagine?

Even though I’d tried.

Blamed the long hours at work. Blamed the one sided relationship I was in. Blamed the stress. Blamed the expectations. Blamed the new aches and pains. Age. Metabolism. Environment. Blamed basically anything and everything I could, but in the end every decision was mine. Every single one was of my own doing and until I admitted that to myself, I’d continue in this cycle of bullshit.

It had been years of over training, under eating and high stress. I’d spend my life trying every diet and toying with supplements. It was years of over training through physically teaching up to 20 fitness classes per week at one point, in addition to my own workouts (?!?! really?!). Oh, and the cleanses…loved that lemonade cleanse. I’d go for days of having nothing but water, cayanne pepper and maple syrup. This seemed like such a good idea at the time. I’d had great success with Isagenix and was actually at my leanest at one point with it; however, I was cleansing every weekend of every month for several months straight. Gluten free, sugar free, alcohol free, dairy free and packaged food free other than the Isa. My caloric intake versus my outtake was cavernous. Yet, I’d felt amazing.

I’d had years of discipline. Motivation is what gets you going, it’s the discipline that keeps you going…Will Power was my best friend. I could turn down any temptation. Nothing would intercept my laser focus. Until something did.

So what happened?

I’m not sure where it all went wrong. But wrong it went.

I’d had success with work, but that did come with tremendous stress. The pressure I’d put upon myself to exceed all expectations was immense. More members, more revenue, more reviews, more studios, more talent, more accolades, more opportunities….I’d wanted it all. And as the saying goes, “you can’t chase two rabbits and catch either one“. I was doing my best to grab any success and hang on to my fitness. But the truth is, I’d had fitness, and I’d wanted this success more…and again, that led to making excuses that I’d accepted for myself.

This went on for years.

As I signed people up for a studio they couldn’t see for a workout they didn’t know anything about, they trusted me. I looked the part. Many asked if I’d be a coach when we did open. Others just wanted to earn my arms. I was fit. I was confident. I was accomplished. I was happy.

So imagine my disappointment when I’d fallen so far from that fitness pedestal. As upset as I was with myself, I was actually more upset that I’d felt I’d let down so many others. I’d justified everything I’d done to myself. But when I looked into the faces of others, as I’d watch them chase and catch their goals, I was hiding under larger sizes and logo covered hoodies. I was so full of positive energy for everyone around me; the perpetual cheerleader. Inside I was filled with self doubt.

OTF Middletown was bursting at the seams with members, as it was housing two studios essentially. OTF Shrewsbury was ready to alleviate that and our team was growing and stronger than ever. We now had two successful studios just a few miles apart from one another and a team of talented coaches working between both, keeping the members happy, fit, motivated and accountable. OTF New Providence was continuing to grow and the three studios were developing a sisterhood. OTF was growing as a company, we went from talking about ‘burning’ reasons to adding ‘more life’ and the results of the science backed, technology tracked, coach inspired workouts were undeniable. I was loving my orange life.

Outside of those walls, however, well….not so much.

I had convinced myself that I needed sleep. I had excused myself from my workouts. I’d forgiven myself for not being prepared and I’d justified all of my choices. I’m pretty sure we’ve all been there, no? Hell, until recently I’ve been there still.

I look back when I’d complained ‘I was fat’ and damn, I’d give anything to be there again. Truth is none of us are fat. We have fat. That’s the difference. We all have fingernails, but we don’t make those our identity by screaming “I AM FINGERNAILS!” So let’s stop right here a minute and acknowledge that we aren’t fat, but we have fat and it doesn’t identify us without our permission. Being my body was my business card for so many years, that was my identity. That was my success. Now it’s slipping away and all of a sudden I was overwhelmed with all kinds of feelings and once again just chose to stay focused on my career. After all, my career was my future and my security and my success now in so many ways…so what if I’m not as lean? So what if I’m no longer an athlete? Does it matter I’m not 10% body fat any more? Does it make me less successful to not be a competitor? Who really cares?!

Well, I did. A lot. But I’d kept that to myself and continued to eat my feelings.

Now, be fair. Let’s not get all judgey. Through the years of my personal training career, not only was I judged on my looks, but I was misjudged by nearly everyone about my attitude and what I must think of them. Couldn’t be further from the truth. I wouldn’t and still don’t pre judge, as you never know what else is going on with a person. I thought I understood it well then, however, today it resonates even deeper. Now, you tell me what you want and your level of commitment and then continue to excuse why you can’t….well, that’s another story. And one that today I get and I have been telling myself for years… All of this preamble was to say that I understand that people look at me and not everyone sees fat. However, for myself, I’m wildly uncomfortable today compared to where I’ve been; and it’s been this way for years. I’ve faced challenges I wasn’t prepared for and fallen so far from where I’d been. Not gracefully either.

Secretly, I’d wanted to make changes. I’d not say anything publicly because what if I’d failed? I wasn’t comfortable with this new me. I missed the old me. The one that could wear anything and feel confident. The one that didn’t see cellulite and skin dimples. The girl that could run without getting winded for several miles. The girl that appeared unstoppable.

Instead, I was someone that was so wrapped up in where I was that I couldn’t get out of my own way to become whom I wanted to again. I’d get on the treadmill to workout out during an OTF class and being so slow and so winded during an effort, I’d actually begin to cry. Sometimes I’d continue, most times I’d get off and go to the bathroom to pull myself together. I’d watch my heart rate sit in the red zone and watch how slowly it took me to recover. And then I’d quit and avoid taking class for a few days, hell, maybe longer, and be so disappointed in myself that I’ve let myself go so far that it seemed nearly impossible to begin again.

Sound familiar?