Gym Girl Dana

I’m in the business of grooming leaders. It’s what I love and I’m damn good at it.

When I’d started with Orangetheory Fitness, I’d been newly hired, had a few calls and completed my paperwork. Then I was told that my boss man was headed on vacation for the next week to ten days and he’s shared a link to what was known as our intranet. This intranet was one of the most difficult things to navigate. To search something, you had to be specific. And what did I know?! You don’t know what you don’t know, until you know it. And I was about to find it all out. By myself.

My mission was to learn as much as I could about the operations, the vision, the values and the processes. And I’d have to do this by reading. On my computer. This wasn’t my ideal scenario but again, I was undeterred.

By the time their vacation had ended, I’d created manuals, play books, files, cheat sheets and created all kinds of training documents for when I’d be training new team members. BossMan was impressed. I actually think he was more impressed that I’d found so much stuff on our intranet because it was truly a nightmare to course. Admittedly, I had been beaten by our intranet more than once; but I was in for the war, not the battle.

Since then, we’ve hired and trained so many people and nothing brings me more joy and satisfaction than seeing a part time person join the team and work to become a full time manager. Or someone wanting to do something for some fun money and making it their career. It’s freaking epic. Just as rewarding are those people that started with me nearly five years ago and are still with me today. That speaks volumes.

Am I perfect? Absofuckinglutely not. I’m perfectly flawed. I’m ok with it.

Some of the leaders I’ve trained haven’t made it. That’s ok. Things happen and dynamics change. Sometimes the work is harder than you thought or the price of success is too high. It’s all ok. I certainly would rather someone move on if it’s not the right fit than to stay on and suffer; that does none of us any good. But what gets me riled up is when I hear, “nobody told me.”

Wait. What?

This is common upon all levels of employment and even personal I’ve found. Nobody told you. Huh. And the fact that you’re ok saying that out loud and accepting zero responsibility is the first red flag.

Nobody told me either, but I figured it out.

In the days of Google, Duck Duck Go, Safari, whatever your search engine, there’s billions of pieces of information at your fingertips. Let’s not pretend this is new information.

In Orangetheory Fitness we have evolved from the intranet and have a much better, broader, easier domain filled with info. We also have a video based university of training tools, a weekly newsletter, Facebook groups, access to all management through an email system. And yet, somehow it’s my fault that you’re lacking because ‘nobody told you’. Got it.

Icebox Cryotherapy has a very sophisticated system of learning also with a library full of videos, tutorials, scripts…same as above. Group chats, zoom calls, Facebook groups. It’s all there, but yet, it seems to be too challenging to want to self improve. Why is that?

Why is it seemingly more acceptable to admit that you’ve done nothing to help yourself?

How have we evolved here? How to do we improve?

Where has our self awareness gone….what happened to pride?

I went to Landmark. For those of you that have heard of it, yes, it’s cultish, but no, I didn’t drink the water provided. If you haven’t heard of Landmark Forum, let me give you a synopsis.

A coworker and now friend came to me and said, “Want to go to Landmark with me?” I’d asked for more information as I’d never heard of it. She went on to share how it’s a self help, good for personal and business kind of seminar that recently one of her family members attended and seemed to get a lot out of it. “Ok. I’m in.” I’d registered that very minute.

Landmark Forum is very interesting. As the registration date nears, you get some additional information, like what to bring and what to expect. They also let you know that you are sequestered in with your seminar group for three days that are each twelve hours long or so. On top of that, there’s homework, so when your day of learning is done, it’s not over because you have another lengthy assignment that is due in less than twelve hours.

Like anything in life, you get out what you put in. Landmark was no different. I wasn’t one to share in front of the entire group, however, I’d done my assignments and shared with my partners as directed. The flow of the seminar lessons is basically dictated by the crowd. You don’t move forward unless everyone understands the lesson. Some lessons take longer than others…you could imagine.

One of my favorite talks was about creating stories. Defining what actually happened versus what you created that happened. This was fascinating. People volunteered to go up and share and talk about job loss, parent shaming, divorce and all kinds of things. After they would share, the leader would ask, “so what really happened?”. The look of bewilderment was on every face every time. “I just told you.” The leader would continue and say, “I want to know the one thing that happened.” ….so let me try to explain. Basically, we blur the lines between what actually happened and create a story of why it happened and how it affects us. Once this lesson was introduced, I was hooked. It becomes easier and easier to realize that facts quickly become fiction and the stories spin quickly and easily.

These stories often happen with our parents. We take the negative reaction of our parent(s) and build a story on that and how it affects us today, without sharing the truth of why that reaction happened in the first place. Make sense? I hope so because it’s a game changer for your behavior and also for dissecting the behavior of others.

The lesson was successfully translated and we were given an assignment to call our parents. We had to call them and acknowledge that we incorrectly blamed them for things in order to not accept responsibility for our own wrong doings. Now, I have a good relationship with my parents, but we certainly aren’t ones to call and have discussions like this. But I was committed to Landmark and committed to the process.

I called my dad first. I was choked up on my words and actually nervous to call my dad. We had a challenging past but one that was behind us and ancient history. When I began talking, my dad, in glaringly honest reply stated, “What the fuck are you talking about?!” “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” I was between laughter and tears. We were not the type of family to say ‘love you’ at the end of a call or basically anytime. ( I’d told my grandmother I’d loved her and she replied with ‘ok’. It’s just not who we were). Anyway, I’d gotten the message out and I’d felt good about it and my step mom and I texted afterwards. One, she wanted to ensure I wasn’t in danger as this was so out of the ordinary, and two, to say that my dad definitely had a reaction to the call and that it was sweet to see it.

My mom was next. Now, my mom and I have a relationship that’s more open, but I was still emotional calling her. I’d called and said, “Mom. I know I wasn’t always an easy daughter…” she interrupts, “Um, definitely no you weren’t!” Ok, “So I acknowledge that I was difficult and challenging for you and I’ve blamed you for things that I shouldn’t and I’ve not given you enough credit for all you’ve done for me.” She’s crying. Once again I’m between laughter and tears and she’s between the joy of the phone call and asking why I would come home and shave my head as a teenager. After just a few minutes, we exchanged ‘love you’s and then text messages.

Acknowledging my parents was one of the best things I’d done for them.

Acknowledging my faults, flaws and blame was one of the best things I’d done for me.

When feelings get hurt or things happen that are unexpected, it’s important to look inward first. It’s hard to separate the emotion from the fact, but that’s how stories are created. Stories are created from the emotion that is conjured after the fact of the matter. Things are tough enough without creating more drama.

What’s happened? Because the explanation is much shorter than you think.

Consistency is key.

Fitness, purging, job search, health, whatever the mission, it can appear daunting at some point. Maybe in the beginning, when you’re all fired up and anything seems possible, the reality of the task doesn’t seep in. It’s when you’re in it, when the results are slower or seemingly not even occurring. It’s when you’re looking ahead at what is left to do and the self doubt creeps in. Like the saying goes, “you don’t have to see the whole staircase, just start with a single step.”

When you’re motivated, the task seems so easy, just about effortless. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to bottle that motivation and take a daily dose? It helps to remind yourself of why you started and of course, what you want from it. A tangible end result is so important, and one with specifics. For example, you can say you want to ‘be healthier’ but what’s your measuring stick? If you’re eating two Twinkies and two bags of chips and two liters of soda per day and you cut some down to one, I’d say that’s healthier, right? But is it what you’re really looking for?

No matter what the task, it’s so important to have a plan, timeline and a goal. After all, when you’re going somewhere new you figure out the route via Waze or Google or something, right? And in the planning, appears the time frame so you know when you’ll reach your destination. There’s no shortage of apps for anything…meditating, fasting, running, walking, eating, spending, saving, sleeping…you name it, it’s got an app. Just about everything is trackable (which is a whole blog of it’s own eventually).

Nothing is wrong with having some help. Accountability can absolutely create success. After all, when people know eyes are on them, it certainly can keep them in check. Not everyone, mind you….but some for sure. Apps aren’t your thing? What about groups? In Facebook there’s a group for just about everything also, from fitness to parenting to planning to knitting. You’ll find what you’re looking for.

A plan without a time frame is just a wish.

“Help others achieve their dreams and you will achieve yours”. – Les Brown

We develop humans within our bodies. (Yes, the first step takes two. But the growing, feeding and nurturing is all on the woman). We then basically push a watermelon thru a key hole or have to have our organs laid on a table to have the baby removed. And shortly after we continue to develop milk for the infants survival all while the pressure immediately setting in on getting our bodies back or being able to please our in laws while handling this baby stranger that’s handed over to us without instruction. We figure it out. How is it possible that there are still cave men among us that can’t figure out that women just may be able to add some value in the work place? Or really, any place?

I’m not saying all men. Let’s make it clear. I’m not saying always or never on the topic. I’m not saying that situations are or are not justified. I’m just sharing some experiences; let’s not get all twisted.

I feel I can hold my own in most cases. I’ve learned to ask more questions, become a better listener, and basically to let people talk…you’ll find what you were looking for. What’s I’ve also learned, is that sometimes, that active listening is mistaken for silence and my follow up questions are taken for stupidity. Again, not always, hell, not even often. But sometimes. And it’s so far been in the company of a male.

I was on a zoom call with half a dozen participants or so. We were having an idea share of sorts and any time a woman shared a thought, this guy immediately shot it down. To make matters worse, he would continue to talk and go on and on and on and on about why it wouldn’t work, or hasn’t worked, or would be a waste of time. At this point in the zoom, as we are required to have cameras on, you could see on the faces of our peers that this guy was the waste of time. Everyone continued to politely carry on and redirect.

The gentleman refused to participate in corporate rolled out events, created his own promotions, shut out any corporate support and directive and blamed everyone around him for his lack of success. Especially the very women that had proven success with the methods discussed.

He felt he knew better. He felt he was smarter. And this is not an assumption; he was thoughtful enough to let us know. thankyouverymuch.

Are we still hung up on gender roles? Are we seriously still under the guise of women should be seen and not heard? Are we seriously believing that smarts, drive and passion come from what’s below the belt and not between our ears? It just can’t be.

Well, maybe for this guy, and a few others, it can be.

But it shouldn’t.

If the only way you are able to get your point across is through insults, interruptions and arguments, maybe take a minute and reflect. If your success isn’t going as expected, maybe take a minute to reflect. Man or woman, gender fluid or transgender, straight, gay bi… instead of blaming those around you and pointing fingers, remember this: when you point your finger away, three are pointing back to your direction.

Instead of reflecting away from you, turn the mirror toward you. Take a look. It’s not always everyone else, is it?

I’ve got thousands of acquaintances, but so few friends. I like to think of it as coins, I’d rather have four quarters than one hundred pennies. I treasure those quarters for sure.

In my life, I treat others the way I’d like to be treated. Again, pretty sure we learned this lesson in Kindergarten. I also treat the owner of the place the same way I treat the janitor. There is no difference; at the end of the game of chess, the king and the pawn go back to the same box.

I don’t hold many regrets as people drop out of my life, I’ll often look at the lesson. I think it is true about a season, a reason, a lifetime. There is always something to learn through every interaction, every relationship, each friendship. If the lesson isn’t clear, I’m a firm believer that it will be brought to you again until you get it.

I’ve done a lot of great things and all of them thanks to surrounding myself with even greater people. I’ve never been one to claim that I’m successful solely, it’s often a team of powerful and driven people at my side. I’ve been so very fortunate.

Where Gym Girl began, there was a former Vickis girl. I’d worked at Victoria’s Secret for many, many years and again, with some epic ladies. My marriage was ending and I’d moved out of the area and decided to reinvent myself. I’d applied to a big box gym and began working the desk. That evolved into some management, then group fitness certification, personal training certification, running the aerobics department and ultimately managing the whole place. (People would see me outside of work and happily yell, “Hey, Gym Girl! Nice to see you!” Eventually, and rather quickly, the name stuck).

In that big box, I’d developed an incredible network of both talent and passion, and luckily, some of those fitness loving fanatics followed me as I’d ventured out on my own. Hyper Fit Training was born. The people I’d spent my days with were so freaking motivating; many of them are still on my radar and we check in with each other from time to time.

Super Storm Sandy was unlike anything I’d seen. No one was ready for that. I’d woken up lucky, with no structural housing damage, but others….well, many lost everything. It was tragic. I’d posted on Facebook and the response was overwhelming. Many of these people were my clients, but then hundreds more began to merge. SquanStrong, 501c3 was underway.

People were out of work, there was no power, there was no water, the devastation was immense. The National Guard had been called. We took one Facebook post about a coat drive and turned it into a four year non profit that raised and gave away over one million dollars through funds, appliances, cleaning goods, clothes and food…and we were just getting started.

How’d we do so much and cover so many counties in NJ? Teamwork. Tireless efforts, shared talents and selfless souls came together and made freaking miracles. I’d hardly slept for what seemed like months in the beginning, but I didn’t want to miss a thing. I didn’t want to lose momentum and didn’t want to miss an opportunity. Many of those volunteers were the same. Yep. We didn’t have anyone on a salary…all of the money went back into the communities.

I’d changed locations, and I was supported. I’d broken my elbow, my tribe rescued me. I’d gotten divorced, I’d made new friends. I’d organized fund raisers, we’d broken records.

I may have some ideas, but I’m never alone in the execution. I surround myself with excellence. I pride myself on authenticity. I’m not for everyone and I’m accepting of that. Like I said, you want to be here, the door is open….you want to go, thanks for coming.

If your circle isn’t clapping the loudest celebrating you, then that’s not your circle. Expand. Attract others. Contract. Repeat when necessary. But don’t settle; you are worth so much more.

I don’t share these things to brag, I share them to show that anything is possible with the right people. Choose wisely.

Is everyone covid crazy by now? I’d like to think that being masked, quarantined and limited in your own decision making is causing people to slowly unravel; because I just can’t justify that society has slid so far downward without some kind of catastrophic event.

Every business has rules, right? Guidelines. Policies. They have to. Let’s face it, without rules you have chaos.

So why, when one of these rules is broken by the customer, does it become the fault of the business? All of a sudden, the business sucks or has terrible customer service or should be doing something….because……why, again? Because you screwed up and you don’t like the repercussions, so it has to become a fault of the establishment?

How have we become so egocentric? Where is the self reflection? What happened to accountability?

We have had people sleep through their alarms, not set alarms, forgot they made their appointment, made their appointment for the wrong day….the list goes on and on and on. All understandable accidents, however, the accountability is pushed to the business. Hows that work? The business has poor customer service because we held you to the standard you agreed upon? The business should do more to help you because you can’t manage yourself? And at what point does that business stop making allowances? And how is it fair that you blame a business for it’s consistency and scream injustice when the mistake is made at your own hands?

A friend of mine was pulled over by law enforcement. She went on to tell me,

“This asshole cop pulled me over.” ….ok,

“For what?”

“Speeding.”

“Were you speeding?”

“Yes, but he was such an asshole, I wasn’t going that fast.”

……………..ok. Let’s digest this. “He’s the asshole because you broke the law? Do you realize that it’s called a speed limit and that limit is the maximum you should be going within the law? It’s not called a suggested speed. It’s called the LIMIT.” Yeah, he’s really the asshole.

Is it just me? Please. Tell me if it is.

“Its not fair.” “You should do (this/that/the other thing).” “I’m going on social media and telling everyone…” ok, but be sure to include that part about how you fucked up and then blamed us and called us names because we didn’t do what you wanted. Don’t forget that, ok?

Let’s dissect:

What really happened was: you screwed up…whatever and however is irrelevant.

So tell me again how this is my fault please?

As I do daily to my teams in every single studio, as I do often when I’m out patronizing another business & witness poor behavior, I apologize. I apologize to you for being a punching bag that was a reaction of another persons bad day. I apologize that you had to endure that and I remind you that how they treated you is a reflection of them, not of you. I’m sorry and I appreciate you.

We can do better. We should be better. On so many levels. C’mon.

Well, you didn’t ask.

I’ve always been a pretty private person. When it comes to details about myself, I’m not one to volunteer much info, which is seemingly uncharacteristic as now I’m blogging about all kinds of things about myself.

Trust issues? Maybe.

Why volunteer information that doesn’t seem to be of interest to the other party? After all, if they wanted to know something, they’d ask. And they don’t. So I continue to stay on the favorite topic of themselves.

Recently, I’ve asked some other friends about this; part research, part confirmation. It seems I’m not alone. As they scrolled through some of their text messages, it all of a sudden became clear that things were more one sided. They were the ones asking questions and making comments but nothing was coming back to them. I felt badly as I saw their expression change and the realization come into view.

It’s not only text, it’s phone & also in person. It’s the person, not the communication type.

Why is it that other peoples feelings don’t seem to matter? Or that we are so insensitive that we don’t even realize that we are behaving this way?

For myself, I want more. I want to feel that my circle is interested in me and my days. I also want them to know that I care about them as well. I don’t just say it; I show it.

People eventually show you whom they are. Believe them the first time.

Cleansing is not about weight loss, it’s about cleaning out your system and resetting it; the weight loss, if it happens, is a bonus.

Ever see the inside of a kitchen drain & pipe? In a new kitchen, those pipes are perfectly clear and clean and everything just flows right through with no issues. Over time, with greasy food particles and slimy discard from cooking and cleaning, the drains are no longer smooth along the sides. The particles begin to stick there. This begins to alter the free flowing pattern of the pipe and slows down the drainage. Eventually, it can even stop it entirely. The same happens with your intestines.

When you eat foods that are created in labs with a bunch of ingredients you can’t pronounce, your body doesn’t want to absorb it. So it tries to help it pass through, but now those pieces are stuck to your intestinal walls. This is the beauty of cleansing.

I’ve done them all.

My new fave is Organic Pharmer. When you take these flash frozen creations, your body is getting nothing but vitamins and minerals and all natural goodness. That in combination with a ton of water, creates a flush for your system. This allows your intestinal track to heal a bit and loosen up the toxins that can build up over time. The longer you cleanse, the greater the benefit, as now, your body is resetting itself and able to take full advantage of the nutrient dense food you’re providing it.

Once your one/three/five day cleanse is done, you begin to reintroduce more foods. The idea is to keep on the healthy bandwagon and choose things that are still nutrient dense and good for you; basically avoiding any food that has a commercial (except for avocados, they do have a commercial now, but they are still good for you). And before you continue to tell yourself that you could never do a cleanse, stop it. You can. Your body is still getting calories and carbs to sustain energy, just from fruits and vegetables. If you’re hungry, then eat some raw veggies or have an apple. You can do it and you will also learn during the cleanse about true hunger vs mental triggers. It’s really an amazing process.

The latest cleanse I did was a combination of juices and soups. THAT was a game changer. I felt amazing and regretted that it was just two days. I’ve never been a soup person, it’s a texture thing. But this French lentil soup that Organic Pharmer created, https://organicpharmer.com was freaking delicious. As was the detox soup. This is coming from a girl who would only eat soup if it was squash and not chunky (OMG, especially Panera Bread Winter Squash soup….nom nom nom….)

I’ve had another amazing week of clean eating and workouts and yet the scale creeps up in the opposite direction. Is it frustrating? Sure. But the science side of me knows that a thousand different things can be happening and I just need to trust the process. I’m definitely stronger and that means I’m creating more muscle. I’m sore from workouts, that means I’m retaining water for healing those micro tears in the muscle fiber. I’m less bloated for sure and that in itself is awesome. So I trust the process.

After all, when you get a flat tire, you don’t slash the other three before changing the first, right?!

We all have done it, right? Trying to save something that has dried up and died. Trying to revive something that no longer stands a chance. But yet we continue to pour efforts in, with hope and promise.

The plant is simply the metaphor.

We’ve each had relationships, friendships, business associates, whatever, that change. Life is fluid, constantly changing, yet some of those changes aren’t always for the better. And when that happens, you’re faced with the choice to let go or hang on.

“Let go or be dragged.” -Zen Proverb

When the dynamic changes, why do we become so afraid? Why do we continue to hope and pour effort into something that’s not giving us the same return that it once had? Do we lower our standards or do we blindly hope? How long is long enough before something has to change?

A friend of mine recently went on a first date. I’ve been checking in with her regarding the progression after such a promising initial meeting. She told me how they had been texting back and forth but he hadn’t asked her out yet. She’s watering a dead plant. She’s looking for something other than what he is looking for it seems. So why hang on?

Why do we sometimes accept what is so much less than we deserve?

Some days I wake up ready to slay, other days I just don’t want to get out of bed.

Some days I sit and write several blogs, other days the curser blinks at me blankly.

Some days I think of a thousand different ideas, other days I can’t string two thoughts together.

Some days I’m so happy with my life, other days I want something entirely different.

Some days I think I have all of the answers, other days I feel I know nothing.

Some days I’m so fired up to achieve my goals, other days I don’t really seem to care.

Some days life seems so easy, other days it’s so complicated.

Every day the sun rises, every day is another chance to reinvent yourself.

Every day is filled with choices, every day is in your control.

Every day I’m grateful, every day there are amazing moments.

Every day opens, every day closes.