I don’t think women are alone in the thought process of altering their wants and desires to appease another person. I do think it may be more common, however. Let’s face it, both traditional males and females have pre set rules and guidelines on how to act, what they should feel and so on. “You’re a man, men don’t cry”, “You’re a lady, don’t be so loud” … you get the idea. The boxes we grew up in and many of us have tried and continue to grow out of.
I catch myself sometimes doing what I feel I should be doing, as opposed to what I want to be doing. Not always, understand. I have grown comfortable with myself and learned at an early age that I didn’t fit the mold. Head shaving and clothes covered in safety pins in my teen years, dark lipstick and short hair in my 20’s. Tattoos starting in my friends house, as a friend of mine had a desire to turn his art into ink (and now is a super successful tattoo artist!). I’d always walked to the beat of my own drum & still do. Even when I was faced with questions like, “Why do you do that to yourself?” Or statements, “You’d be so pretty if you just grew your hair out.”
Pause.
By who’s standards? Society? I found comfort in my harder edges. It allowed me to see very early on who was interested in me as a person and not just intrigued by superficial nonsense. Why is ok, acceptable even, to tell someone how they should look or how they’d look better?
If you’re telling me I’m too much in an area, you’re also telling me I’m not enough in another. Why do we feel it’s tolerable to thrust our own opinions and ideals upon another?
Yet, it happens. What happens next is we actually listen and begin to second guess ourselves. Sometimes we even agree.
I know I’m not alone in having my confidence shaken. I’ve definitely heard random opinions, some from my own inner circle and considered alternating my appearance/approach/actions. There’s been times I’ve tried to delete whom I was entirely to make someone else happy. Their happiness comes at my expense. Not so often anymore.
Don’t be scared to be YOU. Stand tall. Head up. You’re a perfect representative of yourself, and if that’s lost on others, it’s entirely their loss. You are remarkable just as you are.
Gym Girl Dana 