As a child, you don’t fully grasp what lessons you are being taught versus lessons you are learning through observation. You certainly don’t know enough to decipher between right and wrong on many levels, you’re imitating what you’re seeing. You’re being taught what your parents and grandparents have known. Yet, generations change and not everyone changes with the times.
There are a few memories that truly still resonate. My very first trip to a gynecologist. Now, this is terrifying enough for a young girl. My mom had taken me to her doctor, whom I’d seen instantly that he was not that far from retirement (so I’d thought). I was a teenager and loved the beach and also was tanning to keep my color even and line free. I’m on the table and the exam begins and while the doctor is examining for any lumps or signs of abnormality, the doctor states, “The last time I’ve seen dark breasts they were on a Negro.” Yep. I was shocked, disgusted and all around horrified. My response, “The last I’d heard Blacks don’t like to be called Negros.” He stopped talking. I’d stopped talking. And I’d told my mom with the request to never go back there. I was bothered on so many levels.
I pride myself to take people at the person. Not the color. Now have I messed up in this? Sure.
As I raised my son, it was important that he look at the person, not the skin. One of my proudest young parenting moments was when we were out somewhere and my son observed what ‘the purple guy did’. I scanned the crowd, it was a black man in a purple shirt. He’d not seen the skin, he saw the person. This went on for years. And I loved it.
We had gay friends and neighbors and my son didn’t even realize they were different. He was interested in how they treated him and if he was having fun in their presence. I’m very much the same. Still am.
I truly don’t care about your race, sexual orientation, pronoun use, identity, color, religion or anything else. I truly don’t. I care that you are a good person. I care that you are decent.
Like anything else in life, being an asshole in society is a choice. It doesn’t come with any kind of preconceived notion or skin color.
In order to change, we have to be the change we want to see in the world.
Ask the questions. Be decent. Be kind. Be the change.
Gym Girl Dana 