I’d wanted to take this time to find myself and my motivation and my fitness. I’d definitely taken some positive steps and changed my mindset. I’d motivated friends whom are now running again, and although I’d started the Couch to 5k with them, I’d fallen off that, too. I’d kept celebrating with them however, cheering their successes and I’d meant it. Truth was, so many of my friends (whom are also my coworkers) were struggling mentally. I’d do whatever I could to help.
I was also struggling.
As a leader, I’d not shown it. I’d continued to stay engaged with our network, keeping communication open, meeting up for walks and talks, exercise days or socially distanced cocktail hours outside. I worked on being present and a good listener. I wanted to ease their fears and soothe their stresses. These people became like a sisterhood of mine; many of them have been with me for years and I didn’t want to lose any of them to the uncertainty. I wanted them to stick with me and wanted to fix whatever was broken in their homes, in their heads, with our work (or lack of it). I felt a sense of responsibility. I still do. It’s something I don’t take lightly at all.
If everyone threw their problems into a pile, I’d guarantee that you’d scramble to grab your own problems back. I know I would.
Although we didn’t have the work load we were used to having, we had work to do. I can’t do it without them. Things would be different for sure, but I was determined to make it work. All of these months later, this is still the case.
And so is my weight struggle.
So now I’d focused on how much stress I was under and blamed cortisol. I’d seen a doctor and had some blood work done. I was healthy. How can that be?! I’d been trying to lose weight and eating well and exercising and nothing was wrong with me?! WTH?!! More of my excuses tossed aside.
Someone was definitely lying to me.
I’d finally figured that it was me.
Gym Girl Dana 